I
have a post in me today, and I’m just gonna throw it out there. Some of
you know, but most of you don’t, so this is me, being really real.
Below is the very picture of MS. People who suffer with this disease get to look at these supplies three times a week if they’re on the shots.
Why am I talking about it right now? Because I’m having some feels over the demotivation these articles bring into my life.
See, the more a person weighs, the less these shots hurt. Yeah, I bet
it’s about now that it’s starting to click in your head what kind of
demotivation I’m talking about. Right?
But if it were just pain that lasted a few minutes, I could deal. This pain lasts around 48 hours, and starts to fade right about the time you have to do another one. And when I say pain, I’m talking about it feeling like someone is pressing a hornet or red wasp to your skin and letting it sting you. Would be nice if it went away after the needle is pulled out, but no. It intensifies for a few minutes, swells, and turns bright red. Then, every time that spot is pressed on, it hurts all over again. And the bruises... I look like someone has beaten me.
Without the shots, though, my brain would eventually atrophy and die. Without the fat, I feel like I’m dying 3x a week. This particular brand of medicine doesn’t demolish your immune system to help fight the disease. I’m afraid to switch. It’s also working well. No symptoms for about seven months now.
Having the pain is pissing me off, and it’s keeping me from reaching goals I’ve set for myself in other aspects of my life because I don’t want to work out and add more pain. That leaves me about one day a week. Not enough.
Some days, I reallllllly wanna say, “Screw it!” and just gain all that weight back to avoid the pain. But with the weight comes other issues: nausea, brain fog, pain in my joints, and IBS flare ups. A different kind of pain. I’d just be swapping one for the other.
So, I stare at these articles every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and I roll through my hate/love relationship. Today is one of those days, and I’m choosing to keep my brain and just deal. I push through and don’t give up. I’m not one to (usually) throw my hands up and walk away.
It scares me, though, to think about the future and the possibility that one day I’ll be weaker than I am now. What then? What do I give up?
Yes, I’ve looked into alternatives, but the side effects are those that align with some of the other issues my disease causes. So, I deal. I don’t whine, cry (often), or talk about it very much with folks other than family and extremely close friends.
Today, I wanted to share because I thought maybe someone would like to know that not everything is as perfect as it may seem on the surface. We have to scratch sometimes to know what demons and fears others are facing down. It can give us courage to face our own crap—especially when we can connect with the fear of what the future may bring.
Now that I’ve shared what I struggle with, and you’ve taken the time to read this far, what I want to know is this:
What are your secret struggles, and how/why do you overcome or push through them?
How’s it working for you?
Do you have these days, too?
Below is the very picture of MS. People who suffer with this disease get to look at these supplies three times a week if they’re on the shots.
Why am I talking about it right now? Because I’m having some feels over the demotivation these articles bring into my life.
See, the more a person weighs, the less these shots hurt. Yeah, I bet
it’s about now that it’s starting to click in your head what kind of
demotivation I’m talking about. Right?But if it were just pain that lasted a few minutes, I could deal. This pain lasts around 48 hours, and starts to fade right about the time you have to do another one. And when I say pain, I’m talking about it feeling like someone is pressing a hornet or red wasp to your skin and letting it sting you. Would be nice if it went away after the needle is pulled out, but no. It intensifies for a few minutes, swells, and turns bright red. Then, every time that spot is pressed on, it hurts all over again. And the bruises... I look like someone has beaten me.
Without the shots, though, my brain would eventually atrophy and die. Without the fat, I feel like I’m dying 3x a week. This particular brand of medicine doesn’t demolish your immune system to help fight the disease. I’m afraid to switch. It’s also working well. No symptoms for about seven months now.
Having the pain is pissing me off, and it’s keeping me from reaching goals I’ve set for myself in other aspects of my life because I don’t want to work out and add more pain. That leaves me about one day a week. Not enough.
Some days, I reallllllly wanna say, “Screw it!” and just gain all that weight back to avoid the pain. But with the weight comes other issues: nausea, brain fog, pain in my joints, and IBS flare ups. A different kind of pain. I’d just be swapping one for the other.
So, I stare at these articles every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and I roll through my hate/love relationship. Today is one of those days, and I’m choosing to keep my brain and just deal. I push through and don’t give up. I’m not one to (usually) throw my hands up and walk away.
It scares me, though, to think about the future and the possibility that one day I’ll be weaker than I am now. What then? What do I give up?
Yes, I’ve looked into alternatives, but the side effects are those that align with some of the other issues my disease causes. So, I deal. I don’t whine, cry (often), or talk about it very much with folks other than family and extremely close friends.
Today, I wanted to share because I thought maybe someone would like to know that not everything is as perfect as it may seem on the surface. We have to scratch sometimes to know what demons and fears others are facing down. It can give us courage to face our own crap—especially when we can connect with the fear of what the future may bring.
Now that I’ve shared what I struggle with, and you’ve taken the time to read this far, what I want to know is this:
What are your secret struggles, and how/why do you overcome or push through them?
How’s it working for you?
Do you have these days, too?
