Sexually Active Teens; Wake Up

Kecia Burcham

Nashville Parenting Examiner

Sexually active teens, particularly girls, wake up!!!  Besides all of the risks involved in being sexually active prior to finishing childhood and school, the pregnancy rates are alarming.  Many girls are having sex not because they really want to but order to “keep their boyfriend”.  Some girls are even lying about being pregnant for the same reason.  Girls – boyfriends do not want to be daddies!!  They are not going to become responsible young men who will love you and your child forever because you tell them you’re pregnant. They are much more likely to run like the wind.  Whatever gives teen girls the idea that getting pregnant will “keep” someone??  That is so not how it works.

Here is the real scenario.  Girl pretends to be pregnant, boy runs off, or girl is pregnant; still no guarantees of boyfriend sticking around.  He may have told you he’d be there; he may have told you he loves you.  Words are cheap and people say a lot of things in the heat of the moment.  Don’t be stupid.  Ask a teenage mom who cannot get any kind of support financially or emotionally from the baby’s father. 

Child support cannot be enforced. Period.  Boys/men (hard to define in these situations), who do not work do not pay child support.  They do not work in jail or out of jail.  If they chose to continue to play, go to school, or find a new girlfriend, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.  The court will only garnish wages of an employed person.  If they choose not to be employed, there is no wage to garnish. They cannot be forced to get a job, and certainly can’t keep a job they don’t want.  Many of them deliberately move from job to job as soon as the garnishment takes effect.  If they work for someone for cash, you can’t get that either unless they choose to give it to you.  The law is not on your side.  If they are sent to jail, there is still no money to garnish.  Guess whose job it is to take care of the baby??  The pregnant girl; that’s it, and she is the one who is ultimately responsible.  It doesn’t matter what he said or promised.

You can be angry and hurt, but that won’t pay for daycare or diapers.  You are just as responsible for the situation as he is, so you really can’t blame him.  It took two.  When you choose to have unprotected sex, you are saying that you are ready to raise a baby alone.  Are you?

Continue reading on Examiner.com Sexually active teen girls; wake up - Nashville Parenting | Examiner.com http://www.examiner.com/parenting-in-nashville/sexually-active-teen-girls-wake-up#ixzz1UTSP6ww8

August 10th - Families Matter Show

Once a month the Families Matter show address topics families, teens and children deal with everyday.
Come join us this month as hosts Kecia Burcham and VS Grenier talk about Stalkers and Abuse. There is help out their and they want to share information so you or a loved one can get the help you need.

Drama does not keep boyfriends

By: Kecia Burcham

Teenagers are under extreme pressure largely by virtue of their age.  There is pressure from parents, pressure to do well in school, sports and to fit in.  This pressure is normal, and most teens are able to handle it.  After all, life itself comes with pressure.

I'd like to address the girls in this article as I have noticed personally and in the news that there are some young ladies who are feeling extremely desperate. Society and popular culture continues to promote beauty, sex and coupledom as the things to aspire to.  Sexual relationships are paramount in many of the most popular shows that teens do watch such as The Hills, Gossip Girl, 16 and Pregnant; even Sex and the City.

There is a particular subgroup of girls who base their entire self concept on being someone’s girlfriend.  You know these girls; maybe you are one of them. They compromise their values, put up with abuse and then, when things don’t work out, they resort to desperate measures.  These measures often include pregnancy scares, cutting and/or suicide attempts.  This is a very small population, and it is alway serious when someone goes to these extremes.  In most cases, these extremes are the result of true depression, lack of family support or some type of mental disturbance. 

When it is manipulation as a way to force another's behavior, the concern is the utter desperation.  What leads a young woman to believe that if she and her boyfriend break up; pregnancy, a dramatic attempt on her life or cutting herself will make him return?  Most young men are completely turned off by such behavior because it implies instability and a neediness that most young men don’t know how to deal with. Even if an extremely sympathetic boyfriend was temporarily pulled back into communication with an ex-girlfriend over such an event; it is highly unlikely to be permanent. If he is made to feel responsible for someone else's choice, he may stay until the dust settles, but his heart won’t be there, and he’ll move on eventually whether the girlfriend knows it or not. Then he'll be called a cheater. If someone no longer wants to be in a partnership, it cannot be forced. You cannot demand affection, nor can you blame someone for your own choices. If it’s over, it’s over, and creating some dramatic scenario to maniuplate the situation is not only unfair, but it is not going to bring someone back.  It is also going to damage your reputation. Someone else who might have been interested may view you as deeply troubled or a "drama queen".

Teen relationships end.  You are still worthy and valuable. They are supposed to be opportunities to learn; to figure out what you like, what you don't like; to decide what you value and what you don't. Some work out, some do not, but manipulating someone with dangerous choices is not healthy.  It is also very ineffective. 

If you or someone you know is considering something drastic as a means to an end, please remember that desperation is not attractive. If someone is not treating you well, or if they have decided to move on; Let Go! Find someone or help them find someone to talk to - parents, friends, coaches, teachers; they can all be supportive and help you realize that life is more than a boyfriend!

If reaching out is difficult, the below links might be helpful:

www.teensuicide.us,

www.yellowribbon.org

www.kidshealth.org

Continue reading on Examiner.com Drama does not keep boyfriends - Nashville Parenting | Examiner.com http://www.examiner.com/parenting-in-nashville/drama-does-not-keep-boyfriends#ixzz1UTQjFXKT

Aritcles for the Families Matter Show

Did you listen to our show, Families Matter yesterday on BTR's World of Ink Network? If not, you might want to catch it on demand. Kecia Burcham and VS Grenier addressed teen dating and how to play it safe. Dating has changed from when our parents and even us were dating. 1 out of 5 relationships starts over the internet and date rap is higher than most of us know because most women/teens don't report it.

So what do we do as parents, teachers and adults to keep kids safe in this ever changing world? Come listen in to the July 13th Families Matter show and hear a true story by VS Grenier about Date Rap and Kecia Burcham's advice and tips to educate our youth on dating.

Also, read Kecia Burcham's article, Safe Dates which prompted this months topic on the Families Matter show.

Listen to the Families Matter show on demand at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/worldofinknetwork/2011/07/13/families-matter

Here are two other articles that prompted the topic as well. We wish you and your teens a safe dating experience.

Teen Dating: A Mom's Guide

WebMD Feature from "Good Housekeeping" Magazine

by Barbara Whitaker
Everything's changed. What you must know-and do-to protect your child.

Remember sitting by the phone, waiting for a boy to call and ask for a date? Then waiting for him to come to the house to pick you up? Well, get over it-dating is different now. "Even the concept of dating is outdated," says Beth-Marie Jelsma, a psychotherapist in Rochester, New York.

Kids still start pairing off around the same age (between 12 and 14, with more serious relationships usually reserved for the later teen years), and parents still worry about them experimenting with sex. But these days, there's even more reason for concern. "Kids almost seem to be running the bases backward," says Marisa Nightingale, of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, referring to the new sexuality. How do you help your child navigate this complicated world? The first step is to understand it.

To read the whole article visit http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/teen-dating-guide-for-mom



From Today Parenting

Five tips for teen dating

Most important: Talk to your kids and teach respect

Dating is a time of social experimentation for teens. It’s a time to test out which type of partners appeal to them, and how they can negotiate a romantic relationship. But it can also be a confusing time and a difficult time for parents too. “Today” contributor Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist with New York Presbyterian Hospital, has some advice.

Teen dating can be a wonderful and fun time where self confidence is built up, and dating techniques are learned. Teens also learn how to be both assertive and compromising, how to be giving to another and how to expect the same in return. All of this is a sort of practice session in order to find “Mr.” or “Miss Right.”


Unfortunately, too often teens start dating with no preparatory talks from their parents and then they can get into trouble. According to Planned Parenthood, about 10 percent of teenage girls in the U.S. become pregnant before age 20. And the U.S. Attorney General reports that 38 percent of date rape victims are girls between the age of 14 and 17. 

To read the whole article visit http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/3088174/ns/today-parenting_and_family/t/five-tips-teen-dating/